


Skylights

by WhatDoYouMeanIts1amAlready



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Moving, ONLINE RELATIONSHIP WHOOO, Self-Harm, Ymir is crazy as fuck, im not good at these maybe I'll add more later, jean and marco write fanfiction omfg, nerdydorkysexyboysThatEveryoneLoves, whos surprised?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:40:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2277030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatDoYouMeanIts1amAlready/pseuds/WhatDoYouMeanIts1amAlready
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco Bodt is moving away, very very far away from the only place he's ever called home. He's not very good with friends and has never had a whole lot of them, but when he first moves, he meets Ymir. She is weird and crazy and doesn't know the meaning of personal space, but she's the only friend Marco is able to make after the move. Setting that aside, Marco looks for a distraction from having to live in this new place, and so begins his love of fanfiction. After reading a crap ton, he starts to write, and soon gets himself a beta for it. His beta's name is Jean. Jean is beautiful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skylights

**Author's Note:**

  * For [janzodmb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/janzodmb/gifts).



> This idea came from my friend Andrew who just watched sword art online, and then told me he didn't realize how important online/long distance relationships could be until he watched it. And of course I thought about my beta who is definitely one of my favorite people in the world even though we've never actually met before. And so, here's Jean and Marco's much more romatic and possibly even more dorkey version of it.
> 
> By the way, whenever I read fanfics and my baby is fucking cutting himself, it rips my heart out and tears it to pieces, so that's what I hope you feel when he does it. Dont make me go through my feelz alone ;-;

On my rooftop, I laid there staring at the dark night sky. Letting a breath out I didn't know I'd been holding, I looked at the light: I watched stars, the moon, and even the couple of fireflies around me. "It can't be that bad, at least the sky looks about the same," I said aloud, more to comfort myself than anything else. "Though..." pulling my phone out I checked the time, "its still this morning."

"Aye you, you're the new kid, yeah?" Some girl was calling out her window to me.

I gave the most incredible and sophisticated response ever: "Huh?" I asked with probably the dumbest look on my face.

"You just moved in, didn't ya? I'm Ymir." She stated, climbing out of her window and crawling over to me across the roof.

"Careful! What if you fall?!"

"I won't. What's yer name?"

"Wha?"

"YUR NAME."

"M-Marco! S-sorry I didn't mean to yell."

"Well Marco, the two of us are gonna be havin a loooot o fun together."

\--------

It was too much, I decided.

Sitting in the bathroom on the toilet with the lid closed, I slowly dragged the blade across my arm.

It didn't really work, so I tried again. Lifting the scissors back up and putting them back where I had started before, I ran it across the same space while applying a little more pressure.

There still wasn't any blood, so I repeated the process until I finally saw red slowly creeping down my arm. Then I started adding a few more above as well as below the first one until the first one started to really hurt. Putting down the scissors, I just stared at the red substance for a moment. Looking at it calmed me and helped me to think a little more clearly.

Picking up the scissors again, I stood and walked over to the sink so I could wash the blood off of both it, and my arm. Afterwards, I wiped both with a towel, adding pressure when it came to my arm so that the bleeding would stop.

Reaching over to the cabinet, I pulled out my first aid kit before examining my arm. 

It was really ugly. There were several cuts in the same area, giving off the impression that it was one big cut jutting out in multiple directions. It looked almost like a spider, the 'legs' being all jagged lines, slowly seeping blood.

After bandaging it, I went and sat down in my awesome spin-ey chair and opened up my laptop which was sitting on the small desk in front of me.

I went to the 'archiveofourown.org' link that I had pinned to my desktop.

Clicking it, I went to my account(which I was still signed into from last time), with my username of 'WhatDoYouMeanIts1amAlready'(which is kind of a pain to type when signing in, by the way). It's appropriately named after what I often say after reading or writing fanfiction. Im not sure how, but somehow it just always works out that 1am is around the time when I finally notice the clock after getting absorbed in a story, whether I'm reading or writing it.

Clicking on one of my works, I hit the 'add new chapter' button and got to work.

Once I was finished getting my ideas out and found a good stopping point, I decided that I should probably let everyone know that I don't have a beta and am too lazy to read through it myself and edit it. So I did, I asked if anybody wanted to be my beta and pick up my slack.

Then, I went to bed.

\---------

When I woke up, I reached for my phone, knowing it was on the other side of the bed from the one I was sleeping on, plugged into the wall where the bed was pushed up against it.

Cracking one eye open only a sliver, I checked the notifications on my lock screen and found that I had an email. Opening it, I found that it was 'archive of our own' informing me that someone had commented on my work.

'I don't mind being your beta if you'll beta for me as well.'

My eyes widened in surprise, then shut tightly right away because godamn that was freaking bright. My stories were never popular and I had never expected them to go anywhere, but someone was out there actually reading my shit. I was completely amazed.

I slowly opened my eyes back up again to find that my phone had turned dark again from me ignoring it for too long. 'Damn, I made it mad', I thought to myself. Pressing the button so it would light back up again, I went to archiveofourown, and I replied to that comment like a boss.

'Thats great! Of course I'll beta for you too, ohmaigawd you're the most amazing thing ever thank you so so so much I'll love you forever and ever and ever for this I promise. Email me, do it, do it now so I can talk to you and tell you how perfect you are.'

Of course, I edited it after that because throughout the first one I was squealing and typing everything that was rapidly coming out of my mouth. It turned into 'That's great! Thanks so much, and yeah of course I'd be willing to beta for you, sounds like fun. My email is xxxxx, you can send me your work there and I'll send you whatever I write through email as well.'

'Comment,' I clicked.

Then I put the phone down and buried my face into my pillow smiling so hard my face hurt.

Damn, I had to wait for houuuuuurs before they sent me an email. But man, when they did, my reaction was much the same as when I first saw the comment.

'Jean Kirschtein' was the email account. 'Hello, this is xxxxx from archiveofourown, we talked about possibly becoming each others beta's? Here's a link to my work so far. I hope you enjoy it, and I'll be happy to read anything you've written so send over whatever whenever.'

Wow. No emoticon's and lots of proper grammar. Ew. I wonder how old he is, sounds way to business-like and serious. But I was still really happy none-the-less.

Through those emails I got a couple of things. First, because of his typing, he sounded older or like a more serious person, so I started with the question. 'Can we be friends too? Or is this like, beta relationship only?'

And he gave me his tumblr. xxxxxx hahahahahah this dork. From his tumblr, I got that he's 19 and that he's a really dorky nerd, and that he is gorgeous. Like wow his pictures are great.

Anyways, yeah I got my really hot beta, woohooo! Then he gave me his Skype and snapchat too. We started to talk a lot on Skype and I was really happy. I can't even explain.

Because of those I also got to know a few more things about him. He has anxiety attacks often, he has an older brother, lives in America, his birthday is April 6th, and he works at dominos.

I'm really not good at 'people', making friends with this beta dude was just amazeballz.

What he knows about me is that my name is Marco Bodt, I'm 17 years old, I moved from Jinae, Washington, to Trost, Ireland a few months ago for my dads job, I like to draw but I'm not always very good at it, and I'm not good with people.

Well, I guess that last one depends on the kind of person. I'm good with broken people. I dont mean that in a bad way or anything, but I tend to be good at helping people who have problems. That also means they don't need me anymore after I boost their self esteem and give them whatever probably crappy but good-sounding advice I can. Meaning, friends are something I don't have a lot of.

There are a few exceptions, I have a best friend and about five people I like talking to on a regular basis, and they're the people I call my 'friends'. It takes a lot for me to call people my friend, but Jean was quick to become one. I'm not really sure why, but it just makes me happy to talk to him even if it's just about something insignificant or stupid.

\---------

After sitting there in the same position for over an hour drawing, I finally finished the drawing I started the day before. I'd been drawing a lot in the last week or so. I go through random phases where I can't stop and then sometimes(most of the time heheh) I can't draw anything. While I still had a bit of draw left in me, Jean started Skype messaging me as I worked, and I decided to try a person.

After asking him if I could, I got to work and drew his face...more times than I'd like to admit. I saved a crap ton of the pictures he posted on tumblr and just flipped through them constantly, drawing a different one each time I finished another. Sometimes I drew the same one multiple times, sometimes I took a long time on them and some we're rough sketches. It was just Jean, everywhere.

Great thing his face is pretty, cause if it wasn't, there's no way I would have been able to stare at it for so long attempting to draw it. In the end I called it stupid(his face I mean) but that was just cause I was frustrated with my suckey drawings, so that wasn't really his fault(or his faces, for that matter).

\--------

A few days after I started drawing Jean with every spare minute I had, I started not sleeping or eating. I had gotten in a fight with my best friend who lives all the way back in America and I was just getting really down.

I decided to take my fanfiction down before Jean even had a chance to beta anything for me, I packed up my colored pencils, shoved my drawings in the closet, and just sat and watched castle all day. Mostly cause watching tv doesn't require you to do anything but sit there. I could feel myself shutting down, I didn't want to do anything or talk to anybody because fuck them and everything else. I felt numb, I just stopped caring about anything.

I barely ate and stopped talking to anyone too. Even Jean. For two days, I was just practically a dead person.

And then I was forced outside by fucking Ymir. She's definitely the closest friend I've made since I've been here, it's easy because she lives three doors down so I see her almost every day.

My house is three stories high, but its connected to eight other houses with the exact format as mine. I live on the end though, so only one side of the house is stuck to another persons place. The top floor is literally just my room, and half of the ceiling is slanted because of the roof in which there are two windows there. Ymir, of course, crawled across the rooftop again and started knocking on my window. It scared me, so of course I had to let her in(even though she'd done it a couple times before I was always afraid if I didn't hurry up she'd fall right off the roof).

She asked me where I'd been the past couple days and I told her I wanted to be alone.

"Get dressed."

"What? Ymir, I don't wanna-"

"I said get fuckin dressed."

"But-"

"Don't make me change your clothes for you, cause I swear I fuckin will."

"Ymir, I just said that-"

She pulled my shirt over my head and pulled my pants down in less that two seconds.

"Ymir!"

"I told you I would, didn't I?

Then she walked over to my closet and grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

"You're really fast," I mumbled, attempting to cover myself as much as I could.

She yanked the shirt over my head and then pushed me onto the bed and put my jeans on for me.

"Ymir I can do it myself! Jesus christ!" I yelled putting my arms into my sleeves after she pulled me up off the bed so she could pull up my jeans the rest of the way and button them. "I'm pretty sure this is both harassment and breaking and entering."

"I didn't break anything when I entered, you let me in."

"Because you were on the fucking roof!"

"Still let me in," she smirked, putting my belt on. The whole ordeal couldn't have been more than three minutes, Ymir was really fast, I couldn't even get her to stop so I could dress myself. But crap it was embarrassing.

"And about the harassment?"

"I'm your friend, so who cares?"

"We're not THAT close!"

"Meh, whatever, what's done is done."

Guess what happened next? She grabbed me and pushed me backwards down the stairs. I didn't fall, but I stumbled down a few steps, and when I recovered, she pushed me again and I stumbled my way down the rest of the steps.

"Ymir what th-" but she had already caught up to me and was behind me with her hands on my shoulders, pushing me toward the other flight of stairs to get the rest of the way down.

"Yo mama Bodt! I'm takin Marco out for a while!" she called when we got to the front door.

"Okay! Have fun Ymir! And Marco baby, enjoy yourself a little, you've been sulking way too much!"

"But mom! She's kidnap-"

"Bye!" Ymir yelled above me as she opened the door while pulling on my arm.

"Ymir wait, my shoes!"

"Hurry up then!"

"Okay okay, I'm coming! Godamn!" as soon as I'd pulled my shoes on, she was yanking me out the door. "Where are we going?"

"Park."

"Why?"

"So you really did forget. Idiot."

"What? What did I forget?"

"PICNIC. Remember? The students from the exchange program are here to visit so we were taking them? Phoenix park? Because of its hugeness?"

"I don't wanna be around peeeople," I groaned.

"Too bad, you promised."

"But Phoenix park is soooo faaaaaar."

"Quit being a baby, we're taking a bus."

"I don't like busses, just leave me at home."

"No. You're coming and that's that."

"But Ymmmiiiiiirrrrrrrr."

"NO BUTS SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. YOU'RE COMING AND THAT'S THAT. NOW STOP DRAGGING YOUR FEET AND WHINING LIKE A CHILD."

Silence.

Not really, there were cars passing by, bugs buzzing around, the wind whistling, trees rustling, and a few people around. But between Ymir and me, the only sound was our footsteps as she pulled me along. I had given up my fight. Once we were on the bus, I told Ymir all about all the issues I was having lately, not only with my friends from home, but everything else too. Ymir was a great person to tell these things to, because her advice is always simple and she's been through the same stuff.

She moved here four years ago, but she was worse off than me since she didn't know any English when she moved,and now she's really fluent. I dont know how someone can be 'really' fluent cause that would kind of be more fluent than fluent, but whatever, you get the point.

I felt a bit better after talking to her, and when we finally got to the park, there somewhere between twelve and fifteen people there. They were all happy and smiling and laughing, and I couldn't help but join in. I didn't want my mood to bring anyone else's down, and besides, fun is good, if I'm able to have it, then I want to.

Everyone took so many pictures and posted them all over Facebook. We definitely blew up the peoples feeds, because not only were they posted, but everyone that attended was tagged in every picture as well. It was actually fun, and I felt a little less numb.

\---------  
When I got home, I called my best friend, and I made the fuck up with her like a boss. Then I went to sleep cause I was super exhausted.

The next day, I talked to Jean again. I replied to whatever messages I had from anybody else as well(though there weren't many). And then, I pulled out my colored pencils and sketch pad again, and got to work.

When I draw, I sit in the corner under my window where the ceiling is slanted with my legs crossed, and I lean over my legs to the paper and draw like that. It took me three and a half hours to draw that day. I had completely lost track of time, but when I went to stand up, my legs really hated me. I had sat in that same weird position for three and a half hours straight.

When I was finished, I went and ate(going down so many stairs was no easy feat). After, I went back up to my room and opened the window to see if Ymir's was open. It was, of course.

"Hey Ymir!"

"What!"

"C'mere I drew sumfin, come and look at it!"

"Bring it over here you lazy shit!"

"Ugh! Kay fine!"

"Hurry up!"

"Gimme a minute!"

"Just take the roof, it's faster!"

"Hell no!"

Then I grabbed my sketch pad and ran down the stairs, pulled my shoes on, and was out the door with a quick "Mum, I'm going to see Ymir!"

I knocked even though Ymir said I didn't have to, and she certainly doesn't when she comes to my place, but I feel weird if I don't.

Ymir's older brother opened the door and said hey, and then I said hey, and then we stood there awkwardly until Ymir yelled for me again from upstairs.

When I got up there, I proudly showed the drawing to her.

"Pretty."

"Thanks."

"Yep. So anyways, how's life stuff? You make up with your friend?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "Oh, and oh my god, dude, I haven't really gotten a chance to tell you this yet, but you know how I write fanfiction?'

"Yeah?"

"I got a beta!"

"A whut?" She gave me the most confused look.

"Oh, right. A beta is basically like an editor of sorts for fanfiction."

"Oh, okay."

"Yep, and I got his tumblr and Skype and he's so cool, here look," I fished out my phone and pulled up the pictures I had saved a few days before for drawing him.

"Godamn, that boy is pretty, and I'm a fucking lesbian."

"Yeah he is," I grinned.

"You like him. Don't you." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Well...yeah, maybe a little."

**Author's Note:**

> So, I want to tell you that this story is mostly made up-I don't cut myself anymore and I stopped before I moved, I'm not hopelessly in love with my beta, and I'm not a boy, nor am I named Marco. The things that are true are: that was the way my beta and I met, and also the way we became friends, he really does have a pretty face hahah, I'm living in Ireland and I did move from Seattle in February for my dads job, it is also true that I'm not super great with people and therefore don't have many friends, and I really did attempt to draw David. I spent lots of hours and drew him many times but none of them turned out that great, sadly.


End file.
